Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
