People in love make me want to vomit
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
