margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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