Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
