i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
