I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
