I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
