This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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