I just saw a hot homeless man
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Who died my cat blue again?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize