If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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