it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
