jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
