All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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