She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
