i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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