Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
