THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
