Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
