my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
