If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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