spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
