she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
