Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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