Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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