i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Mom said you looked used
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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