I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
