then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
