my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I need to align my fucking chakras
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
