from now on my penis is your penis
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
