A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
