put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
