theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
