Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
where am i from again
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
