Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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