I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
