I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
