Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
