the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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