I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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