Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
