He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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