I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
