if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
