You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
