"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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