Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
