Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
