I want to have your abortion
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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