I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
