it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
