I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
