So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
