I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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