you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
